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  • Writer's pictureMercer Lawrenson

Website Development, and Relationship News!

Make sure to watch this video before reading the article below. It will make a lot more sense!

After watching this ad, I realized that although it was a joke, this was and is a much needed service. The disappointment with the much-hyped courtship/betrothal system is because people are making the decisions. Controlled marriages are not bad; they're actually the best model. The problems come when people try and set them up. The solution to this issue that has plagued humanity for ages is simple. Algorithms.

Algorithms do not make the same mistakes that people make in judging character and compatibility, which are the most important factors in setting up good relationships. Also, as suggested, evaluating the entire family is important, as it will allow the benevolent algorithm to weed out temporary personal biases that will not reflect long-term behavior or decision making. If a bad tree cannot bear good fruit, then the child of a good family should not marry the child of a bad family based on love. If the algorithm suggests it, what was once thought of as a good family and a bad family are probably equal. And their children will make much better matches then if they've been allowed to choose for themselves.

Intelligence based marriages would reduce conflict in the world so dramatically, almost all other issues that currently cause so much pain and suffering will fade away. The hated word ( trigger warning), in-laws, will take on a new delightful meaning. University test scores will surge as breakups will no longer be a part of campus life. On mass lawyers will turn away from working on separations (in which they really act mostly as counselors) and will descend full force on upholding the constitution, and correctly prosecuting criminal trials. What a relief! The decrease in violence, increase in economic output, and general relaxation of the human race would, without doubt, be the biggest change ever seen in history.

The algorithm would work like this: you would submit internet data, like what is used by advertisers to target individualized ads, as well as personal information, family standards, and long-term goals. The algorithm would analyze this data to create a personal profile and ask specific questions in areas where there appear to be inconsistencies. It will then cross examine the the family profile against successful and failed relationships. And then match entire families and all their children with another family with the highest statistical chance of success. (success being defined as a long lasting, happy, and economically productive relationship.)

Time is of the utmost importance in developing this app. Millions of misguided couples are getting hitched each and every day only using basic emotions and youthful judgment. This must be stopped! I believe that 3,000 dollars will be required for the development of this app, and 9-11,000 dollars will be required for successful worldwide promotion. Do what is right! I will be starting a kickstarter campaign shortly and I'm calling on you to support it with everything you have: money, time, dandelion seeds, and kitchen chairs. If the campaign is successful and I receive an ingenuity fee of $70,000 this operation will be cataclysmically rocking the lives of clueless matchmakers around the world. Let's stand together and stop the senseless marriages. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims.

#Satire #Homeschooling

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